Happy VD everybody...

I hate Valentines Day. Really. I am not one of those women that says it doesn't matter and then whines about not getting anything; I really think it is bullshit. However, this will not stop me from writing about it. Some words of advice on gifts, etc:

• No chocolate. It makes you fat and doesn't last long.
• Flowers die.
• Grown women do not need stuffed animals. When the single ones finally do get a man in their bed, it looks rather childish and immature. Also, the fucking things are watching you. Weird.
• Grown men do not need stuffed animals either. I'm pretty sure they don't like them and are only pretending if they say they do.
• Lingerie: Good luck pervert.
• Boudoir photos: Maybe, but in all honesty, where are you going to hang them? Might I suggest an adult themed book instead? (You can contact me privately)
• Handmade valentines: Nice but who has time?
• Mixed tapes: Rad and OQA approved.
• Pretentious, expensive restaurant: This only serves to make people anxious and more often than not, women think a proposal is coming. 
• Proposing marriage: Any other day of the year please. Even Good Friday is better than Valentines Day for this idea. 

I know I haven't covered everything but you get the point, right? If you only demonstrate your love once per year, why are you in a relationship? It just seems artificial to me. Show your partner you love them everyday. More advice for you:

• Random, passion fuelled kisses in the kitchen, on the couch, in the car, in PUBLIC!
• Love notes: I have been the lucky recipient of these and they make a person feel great.
• Tell somebody they are beautiful; male, female, partner, kid, random stranger. You will make their day.
• Slow dance in the middle of the week to your wedding song or if you are not married, a song that is special to you. Or, if you are me, rock out in your kitchen with a spoon and a side ponytail.
• Make a meal together. And I mean TOGETHER. Not one person hanging out on the bar stool at the island talking while the other one rushes about. Cut veggies side by side, spoon feed one another sauce, you wash, your partner dries. Get it?
• Tickle one anothers toes. Zubert their bellybutton. Run your hands through their hair. Release the endorphins and make each other feel happy!
• Serenade him/her. Even if you can't sing or are just singing along to Phil Collins, your significant other will appreciate it. 
• Read to each other. A nice romantic poem, a geeky comic book, a titillating erotic novel or even a sci-fi thriller. 
• TALK! About your day, current events or gibberish. Debating is always a good option and can lead to awesome sex.
• And speaking of sex.. Have some. Preferably more than once a week on Friday night, OK? Experiment a little; change positions, use a heated lubricant or if you are feeling really adventurous, tie one another up and use a cat o' nine tails. To each their own as far as I am concerned.

So ladies and gentlemen... A few ideas to get you started. I am by no means an expert but have been in enough failed relationships and a few good ones to know what works. Let me tell you that showing the person you supposedly love that you love them once per year is not enough. Show the love everyday and be thankful for what you have because you never know when it will go away. And if it did go away and you are single: CELEBRATE! You have nobody tying you down...