Bad mother, bad mother, bad mother!

A friend said something to me the other night along the lines of, "I like it that you always come out when asked and never use your child as an excuse not to." Or something like that. While I am sure this was meant as a compliment, it really got me thinking. Am I a bad mother? I have a very active social life and could easily fill my days and evenings with things to do but obviously don't because 1. I have a child to tend to, 2. have a home and property to tend to and 3. would be completely bloody exhausted.

Despite all this though, I am generally out 3-4 times per week. Some may consider me lucky, others may consider me neglectful. While I am not in the habit of caring what others think, I do care what I think and lately I'm feeling a little on the neglectful side. It can be difficult to balance an adult social life, child-focused social life, work, home and health but somehow I do. Every so often, things slip and I have to take some time to refocus and re-energise (exactly what I am doing this week, four glorious days off). Two days were spent childless and now I have two days with child. During this time, I am catching up on household chores, child snuggles and sleep.

Another friend has mentioned on several occasions that I am very fortunate to not have as much responsibility as other parents because my mother lives with me. Huh? Yes, it is easier for me to get out of the house and do adult things but this does not mean my responsibilities toward my child lessen. I still have to maintain a stable home life for her, advise her, teach her, feed her and be a good role model for her. How would it look to her if I pawned everything off on my mother? Not too damn good. I know adults whose mothers did this and they have grown more and more resentful over the years. Hey "friend"...chances are, my responsibilities are even greater than yours as I have to be both mother and father with one income and one body.

I have a chance at raising a daughter to be strong, independent and smart and I am not going to screw that up by letting others raise her. No offence to my mother, she did a great job, but we have very different child-rearing ideas. So I come back to this; am I a bad parent for not being around 100% of the time, work excluded? I don't know. I've seen what happens to adults, married or otherwise when they cater solely to their kids and I am not sure I am ready to go down that path. The kids become too dependent on the parents, the parents become too dependent on the kids and when it's time for the kids to leave the nest, then  what happens? Everybody starts from scratch. The kid(s) become dependent on somebody else (roommate, spouse, etc..) and the parents have to learn how to be adults all over again. Wouldn't it be easier to live a balanced life between adult time and kid time occasionally join the two together?

I don't have all of the answers and I certainly never will but I am doing what works best for my small family. Quite frankly if you choose to pass judgement on my parenting habits then you open up yours to be judged by me. You may think you are wiser than me and have all of the correct answers but what works for some may not work for others. I like my life; my time spent with child, my time spent without child and most importantly the fact that I have the right to choose.