WTF is a "Honey Boo Boo"?

Sounds like a stripper, yes? Pretty damn close. Honey Boo Boo is a six year old pageant star who now has her own reality show on TLC, once known as The Learning Channel (more on that later). Are you fucking kidding me? What is the deal with reality television? Why is this shit so popular? Have we really dumbed ourselves down this much? Are our own lives too complicated that we feel the need to turn to hillbillies, desperate singles and bible thumpers for entertainment? I cannot get over how many people I come across that ask me if I have seen the latest episode of Real Housewives of __________, Pawn Stars or The Bachelorette. Fuck no I haven't. I'll admit I was curious about Desperate Ho, no wait, Real Housewives of Vancouver as it is local; I tried to watch it but grew so frustrated with the way these catty bitches treated one another and the people around them, I gave up. Plus I didn't see any of my friends which is what I was secretly hoping for.

I recently received an article from Jezebel about The Duggars: The Duggars Aren't Just a Family, They're a Cult. I didn't even know who these people were but decided to read this article anyway. As it turns out, they are a family with 18 or 19 kids whose names all start with the letter "J" and none are adopted. First things first, who the hell gives birth to that many fucking kids?!? Are these parents crazy? Don't they realise the planet is already full? As I read on, I figured out that yes, this family is most definitely a cult. No outside education (including post-secondary), no dating, no shorts or swimsuits and mind control are a few examples. So all the aberrant stuff aside, let's focus on the show itself. 19 Kids and Counting is the title....and counting? How many more do you need? Anyway, back to the show, why would we want to watch this? Who cares? How did these people get their own show? Who could possibly be entertained by trips to the grocery store and haircut day?

Next on the list: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. I really don't think we need a TV show to announce the arrival of this kid. She is loud, obnoxious and totally likable. This family is the epitome of "trailer park". The kid is strung out on energy drinks, the mom belches a lot and hoards coupons and the dad is missing most of his teeth. When you want to conjure up an image of rednecks and Walmart shoppers, give this show a try. What I really want to know is if TLC put this family on television because they are inhumanely cruel assholes or if they genuinely thought that these people were worthy of their own show? I'm so confused.

Last but not least: The Bachelor/Bachelorette. A dozen or so beautiful human beings trying to win the heart of another beautiful human being. Who.Fucking.Cares. Part of me, actually all of me, is so happy when I hear that these "couples" have divorced, broken up, been left at the alter, stomped on the rose, discovered one or the other was gay and/or got busted with peanut butter and a dog. If you want to experience the woes of dating and rejection, make a fake Plenty of Fish profile and get ready to play games. Why watch it when you can live it?

There are so many more reality shows out there and I have only just begun to scratch the surface. Here is a list of some of the ones I have discovered over the years:

• A Baby Story - who wants to watch women give birth and breastfeed? If that's your thing, become a maternity ward nurse.
• Storage Wars - do we really need to know what is behind those locked doors?
• Hoarders - gross
• Intervention - I don't feel sorry for these people, I just tend to think they are fucking idiots. Especially the ones that reject rehab.
• Say Yes to the Dress - a bunch of whining brides that can't decide which overpriced wedding dress looks the best. 
• Toddlers and Tiaras - should we be teaching our daughters to be overbearing bitches that rely solely on their looks to get by in life?
• Big Brother - a bunch of losers living under one roof that fuck, fret and fight. I'll get my own roommates if I want this experience.
• Survivor -  the one that started it all. Time to retire Jeff Probst. The show is not that interesting anymore. How many times can we watch unwashed morons eat scorpions on a deserted island?

I think almost every network on television has a reality show or two under their belt but TLC is the worst offender. Anybody remember when they used to be called The Learning Channel? What the hell happened? It started with A Baby/Wedding Story and evolved into drunk driving little people and tobacco spitting Nascar fans. What exactly are we supposed to be learning? Is it wrong that I feel a sense of superiority over these people even though they are the ones laughing all the way to the bank? 

I don't even watch this stuff and yet I know all about it. If I'm not watching it, who is? EVERYBODY! It's like we all turn our brains off for the "primetime" hours and become trailermidgetcathoarding junkies. It leaves me with one question. Why?