Let's put the A back in theist....

WTF?!?

Alright, alright, everybody knows I am a card carrying Atheist but I generally don't bother with religious types unless A, they start wars and/or B, bother me with their nonsense. I'm going to make an exception this one time though... "Keep Christ in Christmas"?!?!?
Are you fucking kidding me? Christians ripped Christmas (Yule) from the Pagans and then corporations ripped it from the Christians. I don't know about you but I much prefer Santa Claus to Jesus, a daily chocolate to fasting and a book in my stocking to a tangerine.

Christ has no business invading my favourite holiday. I don't want to see religious symbols; nativity, eight pound, six ounce newborn baby Jesus or hovering angels. I don't need a lecture on "the meaning of Christmas" while I am busy feeding the corporate greed machine or when I curse at the bastard in the parking lot for stealing the last space close to the mall doors. Modern Christmas celebrations have nothing to do with Jesus... Christmas trees, eggnog, mistletoe (this one could be religious 'cause Mary needed an excuse for SOME form of action). Wait, wait, wait..Eggnog could be the holy semen! YES! I finally figured it out.

While we are at it, let's take the "mass" out of Christmas. The only people that observe this tradition are the Catholics and all they have to do to redeem themselves is confess on boxing day. Problem solved.

I propose a new name: SpendtonsofmoneyforthreemonthspriortoDecember25. That works right? Christmas is the only time of year when I throw caution aside and spend, spend, spend! LifeSaver books, stamps, bows, dead trees, canned cranberries, BOOZE, useless electronics, BOOZE, ugly sweaters, BOOZE, etc...

Speaking of spending at Christmas, why don't religious types object to the material excesses of the holiday season? The only thing they seem to care about is the fact that retailers have stopped using the word Christmas and replaced it with holidays, season and...wait for it... WINTER! They may have a point with winter as it doesn't technically start until December 21st and we all know Christmas starts in October. Christians - 1, the rest of us - 5289 (that number may not be accurate).

"But, but, but OQA, what about Peace on Earth?" What about it? Christians threw that away centuries ago! The Crusades, Thirty Years' War and The French Wars of Religion to name a few. While the Christians are celebrating the beginning of their religion at Christmas, the rest of the world should be mourning the loss of freedom and animal life associated with it. I know I'm going to get some questions (attacks) asking why I'm not condemning Muslims, Buddhists, Jews and I think the answer is pretty clear but I'll explain it in simple terms; they don't celebrate Christmas as a rule.

So I'm going to keep on spending, putting up Christmas lights, singing Frosty the Snowman and wearing slutty Santa lingerie regardless of the inaccuracies and fraud surrounding the whole thing. Why? Because it's fun and I like presents. Christmas also seems to bring out the best in the people I know; they are a little bit kinder, I get more hugs and we spend the season inebriated and jolly. What more could you ask for?

INTRUDER!