Hi HO, Hi HO....

...it's off to work I go. T minus four days....

Do I love my job? Sadly, yes. Do I love to work? Yup. Do I love my coworkers? Mostly. So why am I filled with so much trepidation? There have been no significant changes to my place of employment over the past year except a coat of paint and some tape on the floor. The two-faced, manipulative, "lady" that was once my superior has been promoted out of our jurisdiction. I even remember my computer log-in information.... So what gives?

I've changed, that's what gives. My life has become a series of shitty diapers, sleep-ins, play dates, floor games, and the occasional night out. I don't remember how to be a working mother anymore and it scares the crap out of me. I'm still going to have all of the domestic obligations and now the workplace responsibilities on top of it. How much can one woman's mind and body handle? There's also the incessant guilt surrounding working motherhood and the constant questioning of one's decision to leave their baby in the hands of perfectly capable adults. When I add all of this up, multiply it by two bottles of beer and divide by the hours of sleep I'll be losing, it essentially equals....

HOLY.FUCKING.MOTHERFUCKER!

I'm as prepared as I've ever been:

• A freezer full of pre-made meals ready for the oven or slow cooker
• A morning schedule planned down to the minute
• Daycare all lined up and workers trained in the art of my baby
• My teenager on standby, ready to help at a moment's notice (we'll see)
• A group of supportive mommy friends who have gone or are going through the same thing
• Friends to drink with when the going gets tough, tougher, toughest
• A road trip in the works for June with my besties for when I reach the inevitable breaking point
• And a very supportive and caring baby daddy

So why am I starting to panic? Who the fuck knows... I've never claimed to be rational or even sane. I'm just going to enjoy the next few days with my little family, hold my tiny guy closer than ever, and cross my fingers that this house of cards doesn't collapse in the first week.