Baby one more time....

As the birth day of baby Megatron draws closer, I am forced to look back at the past nine months and wonder where the hell the time went! While I will be happy to have this little parasite out of my body and breathing his own air, I will definitely miss the time we have spent together. From the first tell-tale signs he had taken up residence in my body to the kicks that keep me awake at all hours of the night, we have bonded in a way that only a mother and child can. He appreciates my singing like nobody else, doesn't complain when Slayer is playing in the car and seems to enjoy the food I feed him. I've learned he requires coffee in the morning just as I do and that a beer settles his nerves in the same way it does mine. He loves ice-cream, bananas, peanut butter, and sushi but dislikes leftovers and hamburgers. His favourite thing to do is have a warm bath and he does not enjoy sitting for long periods of time; this apple definitely does not fall from the tree.

A man I know told me that he finds women to be at their sexiest when they are pregnant and I almost vomited. I mean, really? Peeing on the floor while throwing up, swollen cankles, yeast infections, a huge bump that looks like an out-of-control tumour, the waddling, and all of the gas do not make for a sexy anything. I've been told that I am glowing...nope, sorry, that's the result of eating too much at lunch and being food tired. It could also be the brand new pimple that keeps popping up in the same place on my cheek every few weeks. Being able to rest my plate and glass on my belly was fun at first but the novelty has worn off and I just want to be able to sit at the table like a regular human. I also want to sleep in my bed without a half dozen pillows that need adjusting every hour on the hour every single night. The pillow adjusting works out great for my bladder though as it gets to drain itself a minimum of five times while I am trying to sleep. I would also like to see my vagina without a mirror, cut my toenails regularly and put on my own goddamn socks. I do like the fact that I am not expected to rid myself of fuzz every few days, maintain soft feet or wear pretty undergarments. At this point it's all about the comfort; jammies all day, ponytail hair, and no make-up. The only time I put on pants is if I absolutely must leave the house.

Any woman that is planning to have a baby and has read a book knows all of the unfortunate business and side-effects of pregnancy, yet we still continue to do this over and over again. Some of us even aim for two, three, four or eighteen kids. Why? Why do we torture ourselves in this manner? WHY?!? I'll tell you why....There is nothing like feeling your baby move in your belly for the first time, seeing his or her face for the first time, hearing them call you Mama the first time, watching them pass all of their childhood milestones with flying colours and knowing that at the end of each day until they leave your nest, they will hug you and tell you they love you. I can tell you that last bit is true because I have the most challenging of all challenges; a teenage daughter. I've lived through the turmoil and scrapes of one child and I am doing it all over again fourteen years later. I wouldn't trade any of it, from the first tumultuous trimester of pregnancy to the "I HATE YOU!" fights, for anything. Why you ask? Read above...